- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
- Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if
they are going to look up there anyway?
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,
why didn't he just buy dinner?
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from
- Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
- Stop singing and read on..........
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
- Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
- Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- If a lightyear is 5.88 trillion miles, how much is a heavy one?
- When scientists are done experimenting with particles in a vacuum, do they use a Hoover to clean it up?
- What is a 'spacewalk'? What are they walking on and where to?
- Do Aussies living in the outback ever wonder if there is an inback?
- If you are not on-call does that mean you are off-call?
- Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
- You can be overhwelmed and you can be underwhelmed but can you just be whelmed?
- Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, what did you just do?
- Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it is actually turning on?
- Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- How do a fool and his money get together in the first place?
- How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
- How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
- If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- If you throw a cat out the car window, does it become kitty litter?
- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
- Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
- How come there aren't B batteries?
- How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
- How do I set my laser printer on stun?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
- If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
- Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
- Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
- How do you know honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
- How do you throw away a garbage can?
- How does a Thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?
- How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
- If a word in the dictionary is misspelled, how would we know?
- If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?
- If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
- What happens to an 18-hour bra after 18 hours?
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
- Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into
telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
- Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
- Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
- Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
- What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?
- Was Jonah the first person who got 'drunk'?
- The car dealer said to go easy on my car during the 'break-in' period. Wouldn't an alarm system be better?
- Did you know that if you don't reck you might wreck?
- Did you know that a candle-stick holder with a spike in it is called a 'pricket'? It sure does.
- Googol: 10 to the hundred power (or 1 followed by 100 zeros). Who makes this stuff up?
- When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring
at the carpeting?
Amazing how everyone recently forgot about healthcare, unemployment and the economy
just to jump on the "evil"-French-bashing-bandwagon. In a democratic and civilized society (or world for that matter)
isn't it enough to just say, "I respect your right to disagree" and move on to important matters? Or are we
perhaps so undemocratic and uncivilized that hate-mongering is our first reaction to differences of opinion?
Years ago I tried to cancel my former Internet Service Provider, Earthstink,
because of all the problems. I sent them an email. They responded that they can't use
email because it's not secure. OK? I dial into their servers, log on per their requirements
and put mail on their servers. Now, they tell me that their own systems are not secure?
I previously paid for a year of service with a check because I didn't want to give them my
credit card number. They said they can't cancel the account without a credit card number to
verify it really was me who wasn't going to pay them with a check again. They got neither.
I heard something on the news the other day. They said the economy
is getting better because there were 10,000 fewer layoffs than in the previous month.
I guess that does prove one thing, you can't lay off the already unemployed.
It seems that in the old days, an institution or
corporation would grow because it offered a service or product that
people were happy with. Nowadays, it seems that the only method most
companies know, and utilize, to gain market share is to buy out every
competitor, or to effectively, 'buy customers'. This explains why the attitude
you get from a customer support center is analgous to, "Hey, we paid
good money to buy you. You should feel priviledged to
wait on hold for as long as it takes us to destroy this acquisition."